This is an old pic of Brian and me - from Nov. 2006. We had a photo shoot with my dad at the botanical gardens - so much fun to be a "model."
Friday, August 31, 2007
it seemed like nobody cared
Yesterday I left my job of five years. Well, I "left the door open" so that I could go back if things don't work out at my new job, but I have a feeling that I won't be back. In several ways it was so sad for me to leave. I loved the people that I worked with - I learned so much from them and we had some really good times. I was also sad bc nobody remembered that it was my last day. People said "Oh, if I knew it was your last day, we would have thrown a party or got a cake or something!" You know how many times I heard that yesterday? But do you know how many times I had said to people "Next week is my last week" "Next Thursday is my last day." I don't want to be a brat, but my feelings were totally hurt! I acted like it was no big deal, however inside I felt like I didn't matter and even though they were telling me to come by and visit and to keep in touch, by next week I will be forgotten about entirely.
I have taken a job that is much much much closer to my house. Before I was driving about 45 minutes one way to get to work. Now I will be driving about 20 minutes. Its a fresh new start for me... I feel like I'm changing schools in the middle of the year!
I am imagining that today people at my former job are talking about me, "Did you hear that Tiffany left? Yesterday was her last day!" "Really, I had no idea she was leaving?" "Yeah, I'm really going to miss her - she was such a good therapist!" "I know, we lost a good one!"
I have taken a job that is much much much closer to my house. Before I was driving about 45 minutes one way to get to work. Now I will be driving about 20 minutes. Its a fresh new start for me... I feel like I'm changing schools in the middle of the year!
I am imagining that today people at my former job are talking about me, "Did you hear that Tiffany left? Yesterday was her last day!" "Really, I had no idea she was leaving?" "Yeah, I'm really going to miss her - she was such a good therapist!" "I know, we lost a good one!"
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
I'm not in control
To say that I have had to deal with a lot of change this year would be an understatement. To say that it has been a life-altering, never-be-the-same-again type of year would be more like it. Indulge me for a bit while I recount the events that have made this the most stressful year of my life.
"Little Red", my precious baby daughter, was born on Valentine's Day. Becoming a mother has changed me in the most amazing ways - if you feel the need to grow up in one minute, become a parent. Gone are my days to have a bad day and mope and do nothing. Now there is a little bitty person who depends on me to give 100% to her all day everyday. Before she was born I read a lot of things in books etc. about how I'd feel after she arrive. I read/heard that I would be totally annoyed by my dogs, would forget about my husbands needs, forget to eat, and would not remember who I used to be BB (before Baby). I didn't really believe it all - I thought that maybe that happens to some people, but I have control over my life and I love my dogs like they are my "furry children"; I wasn't the perfect wife all the time, but Brian and I were insync with each other most days and I loved catering to his needs (backrubs, dinner, etc). LR was born and guess what... my dogs are annoying, I am 15 pounds lighter than before I got pregnant because I forgot to eat or had just a few bites, Brian has to remind me that he exists too, and I have no clue who I was BB. What??? I thought I had control over my life!!! I was going to be super-mom --house clean -check, perfectly happy baby - check, dinner on the table - check, quality time with husband - check, groomed dogs - check. Yeah... that's not at all what happened... But what this has taught me is that I'm not in control and that's okay. I'm learning that God is in control and I have to trust in him everyday. This is by no means an easy lesson, he's pulling out test after test for me lately, but this is an ongoing process and He will change me into a better woman. Things may not always be perfect, but I have to deal with all of my insecurities and figure out who God wants me to be. I have to trust Him. I will trust Him.
So who knows how often I'll get to blog. I'm blogging for myself - I have issues that I need to sort out and talking through them seems to be very therapeutic for me. This will help me open up to people in my own little secure way. Here's a glimpse into my insanity: I don't open up to very many people, not because I'm a private person but bc I don't think anyone really cares. So if you're reading my blog and you don't care, don't tell me bc it will hurt my feelings....
...but that's a whole other topic.
I'm going to bed now.
"Little Red", my precious baby daughter, was born on Valentine's Day. Becoming a mother has changed me in the most amazing ways - if you feel the need to grow up in one minute, become a parent. Gone are my days to have a bad day and mope and do nothing. Now there is a little bitty person who depends on me to give 100% to her all day everyday. Before she was born I read a lot of things in books etc. about how I'd feel after she arrive. I read/heard that I would be totally annoyed by my dogs, would forget about my husbands needs, forget to eat, and would not remember who I used to be BB (before Baby). I didn't really believe it all - I thought that maybe that happens to some people, but I have control over my life and I love my dogs like they are my "furry children"; I wasn't the perfect wife all the time, but Brian and I were insync with each other most days and I loved catering to his needs (backrubs, dinner, etc). LR was born and guess what... my dogs are annoying, I am 15 pounds lighter than before I got pregnant because I forgot to eat or had just a few bites, Brian has to remind me that he exists too, and I have no clue who I was BB. What??? I thought I had control over my life!!! I was going to be super-mom --house clean -check, perfectly happy baby - check, dinner on the table - check, quality time with husband - check, groomed dogs - check. Yeah... that's not at all what happened... But what this has taught me is that I'm not in control and that's okay. I'm learning that God is in control and I have to trust in him everyday. This is by no means an easy lesson, he's pulling out test after test for me lately, but this is an ongoing process and He will change me into a better woman. Things may not always be perfect, but I have to deal with all of my insecurities and figure out who God wants me to be. I have to trust Him. I will trust Him.
So who knows how often I'll get to blog. I'm blogging for myself - I have issues that I need to sort out and talking through them seems to be very therapeutic for me. This will help me open up to people in my own little secure way. Here's a glimpse into my insanity: I don't open up to very many people, not because I'm a private person but bc I don't think anyone really cares. So if you're reading my blog and you don't care, don't tell me bc it will hurt my feelings....
...but that's a whole other topic.
I'm going to bed now.
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